Below Deck – Snow White and the Seven Tender Trips

         

Once upon a time…. Just kidding. I haven’t gone that far off the deep end. I am, however, in the Bluegrass State experiencing the adventures of blogging and babysitting. So if there’s a smear of digital jelly across the page or a few more y’alls than usual, cut an old gal some slack, please.

We picked up with Ashling in tears of exhaustion. She definitely had a rough 48 hours, so I can empathize and forgive her meltdown. Francesca switched into big sister mode pretty quickly and consoled her. It would’ve been kind of hypocritical if she hadn’t considering she was in tears on Day 1 and with Captain Lee to boot. The whole thing would have been a nice supportive moment had it not been for one of the guests being a total creeper and hanging outside the room eavesdropping. He was like the little brother you want to give a permanent wedgie to for ruining your slumber party.

Surprisingly most of the Gen Z-ers went off to bed shortly after the naked sushi wrapped up. Dax and his girlfriend were the only ones still hanging out, and he was calling his mom to fill her in on their dining experience. Her first question was, “Dax, are you wasted?” Crystal clear that we’re dealing with a “cool mom.” And likely one who convinced Dax’s dad that he needed this yacht trip to expand his horizons. Mmmhmmm. Dax is definitely wasted though, because his next observations were that James was too handsome to be working on a boat and that James reminded him of Tom Hardy. Fair warning, kids, that is your brain on Jello Shots.

I warned you jelly might be an issue. Grands are messy.

James and Francesca continued their awkward flirtation after the guests finally called it a night. That coy, “Here let me do this for you.” “No, it’s not necessary” “Oh, but I insist” kind of exchange that’s straight out of a bad rom-com. It’s obvious James is interested because Francesca is a female and “fit.” I can’t get a good bead on whether the feelings are reciprocated or not though. I don’t know if the confessionals are filmed at different times, but sometimes it feels like she’s vibing with him and other times it feels like she has zero interest. I guess this is one of those Watch What Happens scenarios.

The next day was all about the beach picnic. Cap talked to Eddie and Francesca and wanted them to get everything over to the beach in one tender trip. We all know that never happens, but it gave them a mark to shoot for. After the guests had breakfast, they played with some of the water toys and took turns jumping off the yacht into the water. Have I not been paying close enough attention, or is there no slide on M/Y Seanna? What a gift for the deck crew the absence of that would be. All of that water play was bound to work up an appetite, so it’s no wonder that everyone was crying out for food by 2pm. Their breakfast was fairly early at around 8:30am, so one would think a charcuterie tray would be in order at least. 

Not only is there no food to be found, but the set up for the picnic is a nightmare. They couldn’t even get the canopy up on the first go. There’s a joke in there somewhere about how many crew members it takes to prep a picnic, but Captain Lee sure wasn’t laughing. As he sat in the bridge with his binoculars trained on the fiasco happening on the white sand, you had the distinct feeling that the sighs emanating from him had nothing to do with his rib pain and everything to do with the pains in his butt that were making this look like amateur hour. 

Nuff said. Oops, I mean…BOOM!

The guests were finally allowed to make their way over to the beach, but they weren’t allowed to touch the food, because per Francesca, the set up wasn’t finished. What’s the next best thing then? Plying them with alcohol so they forget that they’re hungry. The only problem is, the margaritas they made are in pitchers that still happen to be in the galley refrigerator. A radio call and another tender trip solved that, and then the guests at last got to enjoy the food. Afterwards they wanted to take a swing at some golf balls. Since they were going to be out from under the canopy though, they needed some sunscreen. Alas, another thing left on the ship and yet another radio call and tender trip. Things just went from a little off to an absolute fecal fest. By the end of it there were a total of SEVEN tender trips. I have OCD, am blonde, and semi-geriatric and I don’t forget that much stuff.

It’s hard to figure out where the blame falls precisely in all of this. Does it start with James not having finished his work the night before and pushing the schedule back? Or is it on Elizabeth for saying she’d do something and failing to do so? Or maybe like Kate intimated last night on Bravo’s Chat Room, the buck stops with Francesca for not double checking that everything was onboard the tender? At the end of the day, there were plenty of screw ups that accumulated like a snowball rolling down a mountain and they turned into a giant clusterschtup.

One gal who doesn’t deserve a piece of the blame and, in my opinion, deserves MVP of the episode is Izzy. Not only is she already light years ahead of Shane in ability, but she’s got initiative and drive that James doesn’t possess either. She really wants to learn everything she can and prove she can do the job that the crew on her last boat wouldn’t even let her attempt. When you couple that with finding out that she had to re-learn to walk after a particularly intense Guillain-Barre episode, I don’t see how you can view her as anything but a rock star.

Izzy rocks. Period.

What did not rock this charter was the tip. I don’t know that you can blame them really. A lot went wrong, but a lot went right as well. Twelve thousand seems like a Scrooge McDuck tip, or maybe it’s just one from kids on Mommy and Daddy’s dime. Either way, I didn’t blame James for being annoyed. Usually the low end of the spectrum we’ve seen in the past is 15K. The jello shots and the repulsive naked sushi display earned them at least the minimum in my opinion.

This is one time where my opinion and the Cap’s don’t coincide though. He lit some fires under their posteriors at the tip meeting and let them know things had better change. He even opened the floor up for input, which none of them chose to give. Well, barring Rachel talking smack in a confessional about Francesca that is. She’s unhappy with Francesca’s communication, but she’s in a spot where she needs Francesca to be her eyes and ears, so she doesn’t want to burn that bridge. Although she did throw “yet” in there at the end, which sounded fairly ominous. I don’t know why she doesn’t just have a conversation with her that makes her needs clear. Maybe that’s too sane of a route to take.

The crew’s night out was really kind of boring. I’m unsure if it’s that they aren’t really meshing as a cohesive unit, or if they’re all still to new to me to find enjoyment in their chatter. All I read took from it is that Shane is loathe to work while he’s on the boat and longs to be in the ocean, but when it’s lettin’ loose time he’s all business. James is the same hound he is while he’s on the boat and attempted to flirt with at least 3 of his female crew members in one night. Sucks for him that they couldn’t understand a word he was saying and it wasn’t because the music was too loud.

The next morning there was rising, but no shining. Everyone seemed exhausted, but most of them didn’t use it as an excuse not to get their work done. James groused a little, but his infraction was nowhere near the “I can’t believe you did that on Captain Lee’s boat” level that Shane’s was. Sunshine took it upon himself to head to his cabin, place a “Do Not Disturb” embroidered eye mask on an take himself a little nappy wappy. Oh. My. Heck. Who does that? He didn’t even tell anyone, he just up and did it. I’m at the end of my rope with this kid and it appears Eddie is too. You know the drill though. Bravo wouldn’t be Bravo without making us wait until next week to find out. Hope to see y’all then. Have a Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving for all those in the States who are celebrating.

Full time housewife, mom, and grandma with more opinions than my family can handle, so I share them with the internet instead.

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