Vanderpump Rules: Pool Party Showdown at the VPR Corral

Unless you want to be saddled with the “welcher” moniker, debts must be paid. Sandoval and Schwartz are paying theirs by scrubbing the SUR bathrooms in matching shirts no less, because…Toms. Lisa checks in to see what they’re doing and jokes that they should’ve been doing something worthwhile, like shaving her legs. Schwartz then goes into an eerily specific envisionment of how that would play out, replete with the smell of roses and $300 candles. (Goop’s cost about half that, thank goodness, so at least we don’t have to add that scent to the vision.)

This bad boy is even pricier, coming in at a whopping $495.00!

Sandoval takes it to a different level of gross as he pops the toothbrush he’s been scrubbing with into his mouth. Hopefully it was a sleight of hand trick, otherwise he needs and antibiotic drip STAT. He and Schwartz greet Brittany and in no time flat she goes from bubbly bumpkin to straight up ready-to-cut-a- Tom valley gal. All over the dueling pool parties. She walks off in a huff and both Tom’s feel like Jax is who she should be mad at.

We don’t get to see much of Charli, which is a shame. She’s got some of the best low key shade on the show. Dayna and Brett go out on another day and show up at Charli’s other job at Hyde. She drops a “Is flannel your thing” to Brett and while Brett denies it, the editors give us a montage proving otherwise. Dayna tries to cover by saying Brett is like a sexy Paul Bunyan. Charli, like a pint-sized elm chirps back, “Is he though? Is he?” I love this chick.

After her shift, Brittany races home to tell Jax about Sandoval’s competing pool party. She may as well just have lit a fuse on a bomb. Jax is instantly enraged by the alleged illicit drugs in his system spitefulness and after casserole-loading decides to burn off energy at the gym for the third time that day. Brittany is getting the feeling of déjà vu, as her brain rewinds to the last time Jax was gone so much, which happened to coincide with Faithgate.

Lisa and Ken drop by Tom Tom with good news. The bar made a profit its first year and Sandoval and Schwartz have doubled their investment. Lisa and Ken give them the choice of keeping their profit or rolling it over into an investment in The Garden next door. If they agree, they’ll knock out the wall between the two areas and it will be The Garden at TomTom. It’s time for me to call bunk again. I saw the second space, and it doesn’t seem big enough to be its own establishment, but it is big enough for an expansion. My guess is that’s it’s been the plan all along to make it part of TomTom and the decision has been made. Anything for a plot though, I suppose.

Will it be The Garden or The Garden at Tom Tom?

Some of the group throw Dayna a bone and show up at her “comedy” performance at the Westside Theater. Comedy is in quotes for a reason, because it came off like her stilted one liners in her talking heads. Stassi is a fan though, since anything cynical and negative is like manna from Heaven to her.

The group heads to Nighthawk after and Scheana joins them. It seems like the shady editor isn’t limiting herself just to making Scheana look like she desperate enough to go after Nikolai, but also leaving as many scenes with her on the cutting room floor as possible. She gets her licks in though as she stokes the flames that LaLa lit between Max and Brett over Dayna. A lot of back and forth and talking over each other leads to the revelation that Brett doesn’t have feelings for Dayna. Color me not surprised. I’ve been struggling with suspending my disbelief over this coupling since it started. As they say, the truth will out!

Ariana and Brittany meet up with Lisa to organize items to be given to Covenant House. It’s a charity that helps at-risk youth transition to adulthood. While they’re coveting Lisa’s cashmere donation, the topic of the parties comes up. Brittany is hurt that they would plan it at the exact same time as her party. Ariana expresses that Brittany is married to the problem and that it if it wasn’t for Brittany, Jax would have no friends left at all. Ariana also lets it slip that it was Katie’s idea to have a competing party. That wasn’t how I remembered it, so I went back and researched…the polygraph determined that is a LIE. Sandoval came up with the idea, and Katie just thought it would be good because she likes to go low sometimes.

Brittany texts Katie and instead of denying it, she calls Brittany and goes off because Brittany dared to mention the fact that Katie rage texts all of the time. The truth hurts, and Katie in her infinite immaturity hangs up on Brittany. Apologies to any Katie fans out there, but I was grateful that it was halfway through the episode before we had to see her, and as soon as we did, I was ready for her to be gone again.

Prepping for a party no one is attending looks stressful.

So the time has come for the showdown at the VPR Corral, and if sheer numbers are the determining factor…Tom and Ariana win by a landslide. They had James and Raquel, the Schwartzes, Dayna, Mr. Madrigal, Charli, Jeremy, Danica, Kristen and Carter, and a sea of otherwise unrecognizable faces. Brittany and Jax only had Brett, Stassi and Beau, and Lala. Blow up slides can’t compete with a DJ and hookahs apparently. Max and Scheana both opt to not attend.

Stassi chooses to have a sit down with Jax to try and figure out what is going on with him. She tells him that from the outside it appears that he’s losing his mind. He tells her he is. For whatever reason, now that the wedding is over he’s still not happy and he’s thrown himself into exercising because he doesn’t want Brittany to feel like she’s the reason for his unhappiness. This is actually the first time I’ve related to him since his dad passed away. Not saying that it excuses his behavior, but I at least understand why it’s happening a little better.

Next week is the finale and everything comes to a head. If Twitter is any indicator, fences will be burned rather than mended. I hope you’ll join me!

Full time housewife, mom, and grandma with more opinions than my family can handle, so I share them with the internet instead.

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