It’s been a long, rocky, seasickness-inducing ride, but the boat is finally in dry dock, people. It’s the season finale! This episode felt a lot like dejá vu. The same charter guests that have been on the yacht for the last three episodes are still on board and still bitching about how long the food is taking to come out. But Z must be punking us, because she leaves a huge tip—bringing the total for the season to a whopping $171,500! Not bad for six weeks of scrubbing latrines and kissing arse. The crew is overjoyed, even pretending to be happy when Capt. Sandy whips out the fake award certificates she made for them with the 1998 version of Microsoft Publisher. You *know* she’s full of crap when she compliments Malia for her sense of humor. Jess and Rob drag us through the cringey dying embers of their ill-fated relationship. At the bar, Rob is doing his best to make sure Jess sees him flirting with the guests who have “accidentally” found them there, sending her into an epic tailspin (again). Girl, move ON already. Despite lots of schmalzy music and insincere reflection, the crew finally leaves the boat and leaves us to move on to the reunion…and it looks like a juicy one!
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