I said it in a tweet earlier, but it bears repeating. Below Deck Med has become a Sarah Mclachlan ASPCA commercial for me. I want to support it, but I can’t watch it when it comes on. I delayed the inevitable by not watching live last night because we all knew what was coming and I really couldn’t bear to see it and then try to sleep afterwards.
We’ve watched Kiko’s spirit be crushed for weeks now and Sandy finally has her wish and he’s leaving. Oh, but wait, you can’t leave yet because that would be unprofessional. You have to finish out this charter and jump through hoops so Captain Sandy isn’t left in the lurch. Well, Hindrigo, you dear, sweet man, you really are too kind for this world, because she would have been surrounded by a Road Runner dust cloud as I “Meep Meeped” my behind right off of that boat.
Watching Kiko crying in his bunk brought the soul-crushing nature of it all home. Having it juxtaposed with the Vegas night Chippendale performance added a lemon juice spritz to an open wound quality to it that I could’ve done without. Yes, Bugsy said it was heartbreaking, but it certainly didn’t seem like she meant it. Sandy asking Hannah why she was shaking was also beyond the pale. As was her hovering, arms folded as she watched Hannah try to work through her distress. Support can be shown in many ways, but in my opinion, that wasn’t one of them.
We had already witnessed Hannah crying on the bow of the boat, sad because she felt like she let Kiko down. She was unable to shake it off later in the evening and went into a full blown panic attack. Depression and anxiety are no joke. The fact that it appears like they are going to use it to finally grant Sandy’s wish of getting rid of Hannah is disgusting to me as a sufferer myself. Bravo is out of step with the times if they think firing people because of mental health issues is something anyone should applaud.
The next morning Kiko is still visibly distressed and is trying to prepare breakfast for the guests, but breaks down and retreats to his bunk. In an especially self-serving way, Sandy tries to reel back her derisive comments as she encourages him to finish the job. He relents and goes back to work, cutting his finger in the process because his head isn’t in the game.
Hannah books a reservation for the guests to eat a restaurant during their excursion to town, so that’s one less meal Kiko has to make. Jess and Rob lead the excursion and the guests start calling them “Job.” Per Jess, it’s the first job that she’s actually liked. While the guests are eating, Rob and Jess head off by themselves and Rob drops the three little words bomb. Jess immediately goes into shell shock and doesn’t say I love you back. We find out that she’s afraid to fall in love and then get hurt, but that she did feel the same way in the moment.
That night is a 90’s dinner party complete with glow sticks and a rap created by Malia. Rap for me is about the rhyme and the rhythm. She may have one, but she’s lacking in the other. Leave the rapping to Colin. What didn’t fall short though was Kiko’s food. He got cheers and a standing ovation from the guests. It’s great to end on a high note, but it’s insane to me that Captain Sandy didn’t even pay lip service to reconsidering her decision.
The next morning Kiko makes the final breakfast even without written orders from Jess and then he packs his things because he intends to leave right after the guests do. Crystal was so happy about the trip that she was in tears, and that envelope looks pretty thick, but we’ll have to wait until next week to see.
The show wraps up with Kiko saying goodbye to his crew mates, except for Bugsy, which I can’t blame him for. He and Hannah share a sweet moment on the dock and he promises her that their friendship is for a lifetime. On board, we are supposed to suspend our disbelief and forget that Sandy was seated at the table during the exterior meeting before this charter where Malia said Tom was coming. Sandy asks Malia to have him send over his CV and we all know where that is heading. Unlike in Malia’s rap, Captain Sandy isn’t keeping it real, she’s trying to pull one over on us.