Below Deck Mediterranean: Watch Out For The Bugsy Bus

We open with Jess tearfully holding her smashed finger that she accidentally crushed in a cabin door last week. Bugsy rushes to tell Sandy and it’s off to the hospital for X-rays. It turns out Jessica has a hairline fracture and a splint that’s so long it would rival E.T.’s glowing finger. The question of the moment is whether or not Jess can still perform her third stew duties. With charter guests showing up the next day, there is little choice but to allow her to try and work through the pain. A blessing in disguise, because with the way Captain Sandy has been dogging her about laundry, I think she would have cut her loose given the opportunity. At least now Jess has the chance to prove she’s a tough cookie and won’t crumble.

The guests this week are from Miami. In the preference sheet meeting Kiko mistakenly thinks they look “chill.” Captain Sandy is quick to point out that Miami is NOT chill. Score one for Sandy. These guests are anything but. Kiko immediately begins to panic because the dietary restrictions are vegan, gluten-free, and also dairy free. That’s definitely outside of his wheelhouse and his comfort zone. I adore Kiko, but self-imposed dietary restrictions are the way of the world now, and in luxury yachting you need to be able to cater to the guests’ demands.

Rob and Jess continue to steal sweet moments together as he tries to help her deal with having one hand tied in front of her back. I can’t be a hypocrite about it though considering how much I complained about Adam and Jenna on Sailing Yacht. Young love is fire-filled, but there’s a time and a place, and that place isn’t within eye-shot of Alex. Start scheduling your breaks together or hang out in your off hours. You both have jobs to do and I don’t want to see either of you lose them.

Will the budding boatmance be over as quickly as it began?

Bugsy went to Malia about the schmuck’s comments. Malia then sent Bugsy to tell Captain Sandy, because apparently crap rolls uphill in the reality television universe. I personally would have preferred to see Malia attempt to handle it on her own to prove her management capabilities. She’s his superior after all. As Captain Lee might say, “If I have to do your job for you, why do I need you?” The double standard in regard to this will be perfectly vivid when you see the previews for next week. Captain Sandy gladly did Malia’s job for her though, and did it well. Shortly thereafter He Who Shall Not Be Named was demoted from Lead Deck Hand by Malia and Alex was given the role.

Knowing she’s dealing with a one-handed stew in a boat flipping contest, Hannah looks to Kiko for support. She wants to know that someone has her back. Kiko promises to be there for her, as he has his own issues with Bugsy and her incessantly talking while he’s trying to focus. I have to say that it’s nice to see a Chief Stew and a chef get along so well without having to watch them grope each other in the crew mess.

As the guests roll up the dock with an affectation of easy-breezy, it’s a safe bet that they’re going to be the opposite. They’re barely finished with the tour before this begins to be confirmed. Wanting to sample the juice first because “Juice in Europe is disgusting” is only the tip of the iceberg. What lies underneath the surface is more of the same entitlement we’ve seen for years from the wealthy on Bravo. There’s even a guest whose spirit animal is apparently Ramona Singer who wants his bags unpacked for him. One-handed Jess obliges, but I agree with her, where’s your sensitivity chip that operates your compassion protocols, dude? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the secondaries are almost always worse than the primaries.

Ummmm….what’s that under the arrow, bus driver?

Next comes a mystery that Scooby Doo and Shaggy could solve even after several bong hits…the case of the missing lemons. A case, I might add, that is in the corner of the screen as Bugsy attempts to throw Hannah under the bus. Kiko said he only ordered limes for himself and Bugsy is all too happy to point out Hannah’s dereliction of duty. Unfortunately for her, Hannah did order them and you can see them on the screen with other myriad citrus items. Whether this slight on Hannah’s part actually really happened and Bugsy’s using Hannah as a human speed bump was filmed after it was resolved is the real mystery here.

These guests are another round of boring wannabe Insta-models complete with sullen duck face poses and catty commentary about everything. Who knew that one day I’d be missing the foam parties of days gone by? Once again the editors give their version of “Why Bugsy is so much better than Hannah,” as she creates a juice with her own hands that the juice connoisseur adores. You have to hand it to her, when it comes to pleasing guests…she’s a pro. I may dislike how she treats her co-workers, but I’m not so biased that I can’t give praise where it’s due.

The last half of the show is almost entirely consumed by Kiko’s panic over the meal and psyching himself out. Bugsy’s assertion that his mushrooms are too chewy sends him into a tailspin and he throws them all out and has to get an emergency provision order delivered to replace them. Bugsy gets several digs in at Kiko’s expense and Copter Sandy hovers above wondering if dinner was served on time. Without mentioning the delayed provision arrival, Bugs just casts a hard gaze at the clock and Sandy’s eyes follow and receive their answer.

Watch me tattle without even moving my lips.

Captain Sandy wonders how Kiko went from an awesome 72 plate dinner the charter before to this regression. While she has a point, her constant hovering waiting for him to fail is one of the most demotivational qualities a boss can have. That tidbit we heard last week when Malia was on the phone with her boyfriend Tom about him arriving soon “to visit” definitely seems to be casting its own foreshadowing.

And speaking of next week, the previews show us that Kiko’s feet are going to be held to the fire by the Captain and Rob and Malia have a bit of a tense moment as well. The combativeness carries over to the interior also when Bugsy and Jess get into a bit of a row. Be sure to check out how quickly their fight turns into Hannah’s fault in Captain Sandy’s eyes. She may not mind doing Malia’s job, but she certainly takes umbrage with having to step in for Hannah. I hope to see you all next week!

4 thoughts on “Below Deck Mediterranean: Watch Out For The Bugsy Bus”

  1. It looks like they’ve already begun the steps of removing He Who Shall Not Be Named from the show. I noticed that his revolting picture wasn’t featured in the opening credits in this week’s episode. Yay!

Leave a Reply