Below Deck Sailing: The Green-Eyed Sea Monster

Have I mentioned recently how much I can’t stand Jenna? Only a thousand times so far? Let’s shoot for 1001, shall we? Not only does she take her extremely biased accusations to Captain Glenn, but at the end when he wants her to bring Madison in, she doesn’t warn her on the way. Talk about a lamb to the slaughter moment. I completely understand why Madison was thrown off. This is also the setting for my first major case of disappointment with the captain. His reliance on hierarchy presents the false impression that because someone has rank, it means they won’t abuse it. We’ve seen all season that this is not the case where Jenna is concerned. Curious if he’s changed his tune any since seeing the footage.

Post-meeting, Madison vents to Parker and according to her he’s like human chicken soup. If she knew all of the conversations he had about her crush on him behind her back, I think she might drop the soup and just see him as a human chicken. I’m with Georgia in this instance and of the mind that this is not a difficult conversation to have. It makes things a whole lot less awkward when everyone is on the same page.

Bock Bock, Parker

Once the mandatory chores are done, the crew’s day off begins. Adam is excited because it’s the first time he and Jenna get to be a normal couple. Yeah, well, except for the constant necking in the galley, the dinners out at the end of charters, and the innumerable awkward situations you both have put your crewmates in. Aside from that though, sure, Adam.

The day off starts out with tanning on deck and Georgia serenading Paget with love songs with Ciara only a few feet away. Wow, G. Bold doesn’t even begin to cover that move. Ciara can play it down all she wants to, but her attempt to get Paget to rub oil on her in front of Georgia was definitely like a dog peeing on its territory. When Paget refused, I actually felt bad for her. He seems like such a tool. According to Ciara he flirts with everyone except for her. That’s really lame and sad at the same time. There are tons of men who’d love a feisty ginger and would appreciate you, girl.

Just when I think Jenna can’t add anything else to her list of worsts, she dances for us. Newborn foals still sporting remnants of placenta have more grace. Although in truth none of them really look like they grew up in houses where rhythm was abundant. Likely they’re all too young to have benefitted from Saturday afternoons with The Solid Gold dancers.

They move their free day from the boat to the shore and Byron is getting lit. His multiple sunglasses and multiple hats are only surpassed in number by his multiple drinks. Even so, he’s one of the least cringey characters onscreen. Jenna and Adam take PDA to new heights, Ciara is trying on some strange vixen persona for size (it doesn’t fit, btw) and Parker reads a letter from his mom as a speech at dinner. If I duck my face any farther into my shirt I won’t need a mask for quarantining.

As the evening progresses, Adam’s butterflies are multiplying, so he and Jenna head back to the boat and hijack the master suite. Going slow is no longer on the table, as is evidenced by the Über corny champagne cork pop. Someone who isn’t getting any is Georgia, who despite the teasing by Paget and Ciara, found out that three isn’t company. Madison also heads off to bed unfulfilled as Byron and Parker discuss chartering futures.

It’s the morning after and Georgia has whiplash from the change in vibe with Paget and Ciara, while Adam and Jenna have afterglow. I always found it demeaning when people acted like a grouchy woman just needed to have sex, but Jenna is a whole different person today. Much softer, even with Madison. And she’s singing! You know what…she isn’t half bad. Who knew?

Jenna-Grouch No More

The new charter guests arrive and shock of all shocks it’s another selfie obsessed bunch. Thankfully there are enough exciting dynamics going on with the crew that it shouldn’t be too boring. The rope swing that Captain Glenn had them set up looked like a blast and makes me think that I may have given them short shrift on first impression.

Somehow despite mounds of laundry, Georgia found time to scroll through Jenna’s Insta as well as her ex Johan’s. And wouldn’t you know it…Jenna and Georgia are eskimo sisters! It seems they’ve bedded the same fellow and it’s all they can talk about…in front of Adam. Not a smart move and the surest way to dampen warm and fuzzy feelings. Adam’s eyes turn a vicious shade of green and he is straight up seething.

We have to wait until next week to see the fallout, but it’s a safe bet that it’s nuclear. Also on deck is an array of shenanigans by Parker that has Captain Glenn seeing red. Hope you’ll join me!

Full time housewife, mom, and grandma with more opinions than my family can handle, so I share them with the internet instead.

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