Below Deck Sailing: The Universe Speaks Through Logs Now

Our voyage resumes smack in the middle of the couple’s quarrel between Lyndi and Jesse. Apparently the underlying issue involves him not being there for her on Mother’s Day. In reality, I’m sure that’s merely the reason she’s landed on because it holds the most weight with him. She likely has a laundry list of why he isn’t the one, and it currently begins with the fact that he’s not cooking for her like Adam is. Jenna is still not pleased Lyndi’s flirting with her man. Her annoyance is amplified when Lyndi and Missy leave the table and head to the galley. Adam is reveling in the attention. He finds it flattering and also funny that Jenna has to work for them. Jenna’s no dummy though and snitches the guests out to Jesse at the first opportunity, who whisks them away much to her delight.

Without Parker around, Madison isn’t feeling lonely so much as alone. Late night clean-ups are much less fun without someone to joke around with. Proving that he truly is the Anti-Parker, Chris shows off his ninja night watch skills by sliding out of his bed and out of the cabin he shares with Adam without making a sound. If he cleans the toilet too, I’m sure Adam will think he’s died and gone to roomie heaven.

“B” is for Bacon.

At breakfast, the buffet is beset by bees and the guests are beside themselves. With Chris showing interest in Georgia, Madison feels left out on a ship full of couples. Jenna is ordering four tiki torches for the evening beach picnic and all I can picture is Leah McSweeney from Real Housewives of New York running around screaming and losing her mind.

Chris is impressed that Paget and Ciara can work together. He shares that he once worked with a girlfriend on Eric Clapton’s motor yacht (pardon me while I bend over and pick up that name drop.) He said it was fine when they worked in separate departments, but that it was a nightmare when they both were on deck together. Safe bet that he hasn’t been on long enough to see that’s exactly what’s happening with Paget and Ciara. Jenna adds sea salt to that wound when she comes up to the couple and asks Paget to go work with Georgia on their songs for the picnic. Jenna may think Ciara is covering her jealousy well, but it’s palpable to me.

Watching the constant flirting between Georgia and Paget even makes me uncomfortable, and I’ve got no skin in the game. How fortunate for Paget that it was his G string that was way out and not his B. Although given her druthers, I’m betting Georgia was hoping it was his D, but I digress. Party provisions arrive and flowers for making crowns are among them. Jenna jokingly thanks Adam for them and then shares that she’s never gotten flowers before. Adam, all of a sudden feeling romantic, decides to head out on a mission with the help of Paget.

Duck…and I don’t mean, a l’Orange.

Adam’s mission leads to the most utterly GIF-able moment that my little schadenfreude filled heart could ever hope for. Adam hops off the tender to head onto the shore and forage for wildflowers, and BAM! He walks right into the highest limbo log ever invented. I rewound way more times than any decent person should have…then I recorded it on my phone. It’s on my Twitter feed if anyone else is as warped as I am. Whether the head injury blurred his vision, or if it was the beach that had little to offer, I’m unsure of, but Adam returned with an allergy bouquet.

I’m sure Lyndi and friends are decent enough people. They did after all take it in stride when Jenna marked her territory and let them know she was dating Adam. Even so, they’re pretty boring in general. As a hobbyist photographer, you’d think I’d find some sort of kinship with their constant snapping, but there’s a huge entertainment gap between taking photos and watching someone take photos.

Madison gets a chance at redemption for the last beach picnic she threw and she really outdid herself. So much so that Jenna even managed to come out of her Bitter Betty nature and compliment her work. How it looks is the highlight of the picnic though, because after stepping foot on the sand everything becomes super awks. Watching Ciara watch Georgia and Paget’s duet was already cringe inducing. Then Jesse (Mr. I Can’t Read The Room) decides he wants to propose to Lyndi…without a ring. Jenna does him a solid and offers him hers, and I couldn’t help but giggle to myself. Chances were slim that Lyndi would say yes anyway, but being offered Jenna’s inexpensive adornment was definitely going to put the kibosh on the proposal. If I’ve learned nothing else from watching the OC housewives for over a decade, I know for sure that they don’t do second-hand anything, and anything under 4 carats causes recoil.

He should’ve gone to Jared.

True to form, Lyndi says she’s not sure that she’s ready and the wet blanket of rejection puts out the beach fire, so they head back to the boat. Adam is pumped to present Jenna with his floral love offering. He has her reaction so built up in his head that honestly anything short of a Tinsley-style tear fest is going to disappoint him, but Jenna’s reaction was beyond underwhelming. Flash over to the hot tub and Jesse telling everyone that Jenna thought the proposal was a great idea. Missy comes back with my favorite guest jab in a while and says, “She just wants to have Lyndi married off so Lyndi can’t go after Adam anymore.” Hahahaha…these girls are brighter than I’ve given them credit for.

The guests’ trip is over and at the debrief Byron says what we’ve all been thinking after they receive a mere 12,700 tip. Apparently influencers don’t make that much money after all. Smoke, mirrors, and filters, my friends. With only two charters left, Chris decides to speed up his game by asking Georgia out on a fish foot spa date. Before we get to the romance of exfoliation by water dwellers though, this particular evening is all about couples…and Madison and Byron too. As if the weird three way relationship between Georgia, Paget, and Ciara wasn’t odd enough, Georgia and Ciara are twinning clothing-wise as hard as Lyndi and Missy ever did.

Even though they all go to the same restaurant, they split up into two tables of four. At one we have the double daters: Adam, Jenna, Paget, and Ciara. I’m not sure I can put into words how uncomfortable this feels. Adam is still seething at Jenna’s icy reaction to his wooing, and Paget looks like he wants to be anywhere except for with his girlfriend. He even excuses himself to use the restroom and instead strolls over to the other crew’s table and lights up with joy while talking and sharing a shot with Georgia. I’m getting weird Eddie and Rocky vibes and am wondering if more is going on than we’re being shown. There is the laundry room factor in common.

Is Laundry Room Magic Happening Again?

In all of this, Madison is feeling very left out and excuses herself for a moment. Byron was a little harsh in his assessment that she craves the attention, but hates the spotlight. I personally think he is just coming from a different mindset as a married person. It’s easy for him to be unfazed by the couples, because he’s already part of one himself. It’s much more difficult to be the only single person in a sea of doubles. I haven’t decided if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that Georgia shared the tragedy of the murder of Madison’s sister. While it may make them back off of her, it is really Madison’s story to share with people as she chooses.

The show ends on the most awkward note imaginable as Jenna and Adam decide yet again to take advantage of the master stateroom and each other. Upon “completion” Adam just wants to bask in the afterglow of it all and Jenna wants to talk about feelings. Things go downhill faster than a snow skier at Olympic trials. Adam basically explodes all over her for ruining the moment with BS and Jenna is completely taken aback. Adam morphs into a human insult generator and for the briefest of moments…I might be feeling a little sorry for Jenna.

Only two more charters left, folks. Fish on feet are being served up next week as well as the aftermath of Jenna and Adam’s lovers’ quarrel. Hope to see you then!

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