Below Deck Sailing Yacht: When Someone Shows You They Are Psycho…Believe Them

It’s nighttime. The waves are lapping gently against the dock. A warm breeze is carrying a faint noise. What is disrupting this calm, summer evening? A sex obsessed chief stew crying rejection tears. Oy vey! If this is where we begin, it can only go up from here, right?

Adam and I are on the same page in this moment. He’s completely lost at how a pleasant evening out has devolved into a deluge of droplets of dismay. And solely because he wants to take things slow! I’ve been out of the game way too long to even comprehend this, because when I was single it was nigh on impossible to find a guy who’d wait three dates. We aren’t let in on how long Jenna’s drought has been going on, but I’m guessing she makes the Sahara look like the Great Salt Lake. Desperation is never a pretty look, but she makes it seem positively grotesque. I feel like I should be more sympathetic since it appears that she’s crying real tears, but I just want to pull a Forrest Gump and run as far as I can from this Almond Joy nutbar. Adam seems like he sees it my way as well.

The rest of the crew is still at the bar drinking and having a good time and they head back to the ship with every intent of taking a dip in the hot tub. The only problem is that Jenna and Adam have now moved their dockside drama onto the deck and hot tubbing won’t be happening any time soon. I’d like to say I got a chuckle out of the whole thing, but the only thing that brought me close to one was picturing Adam in a Chris Farleyesque way alone in a van by the river.

Half of the crew is entirely misreading the situation and think their plans are being disrupted for a make-out sesh as opposed to a break up, but in their defense there are plenty of places that Adam and Jenna could have hashed this out. After they decide it’s not working out and head to bed, Parker tries to serenade Madison with a song about the night’s events. Not to be completely rude, but he should leave the song improv to Colin on BDM.

The next morning Jenna looks like death warmed over and tension is written all over Adam’s face. Good to know they can keep it professional. :insert eyeroll here: Captain Glenn calls a preference sheet meeting and the primary for the next charter is another onion hater who barely eats. Adams world just keeps getting worse and worse. After the meeting Jenna continues her strenuous work by crying over her microwaved food. She’s starting to come off a little emotionally stunted to me. I’d expect this reaction from a pre-teen or teen in their first relationship. The way this is going it feels like her biological clock is making Marisa Tomei’s in My Cousin Vinny seem practically inaudible.

Provisions arrive and Jenna actually is doing some labor. I thought it was funny that the producers left in Glenn lamenting the excess of toilet paper. Bet you wish you could rewind and stash some now, huh, Cap?

Captain Glenn decides to use the downtime prior to the guests’ arrival as an opportunity to sort out the deck crew drama. He calls in Paget and Ciara first to get the perspective on the situation. Both of them talk about Parker’s attitude and how it’s making things difficult. To be honest, in previous episodes I had played that down and thought they were picking on him. After watching the montage, I can see it more clearly and Parker does seem to have the inability to refrain from making commentary about every little thing. My biggest shock came when Paget said he was only a year older than Parker. I guess my brain never made the connection, but they do seem light years apart vs. months.

Parker is called in next and gets a lesson in hierarchy from the Captain. It doesn’t just apply to on-the-clock situations, but off the boat as well. Parker does a giant misread of the situation though and thinks this conversation was spawned from Paget and Ciara ratting him out, rather than the impetus being the Captain’s observations. We’ll see if that comes to play down the road, but for the rest of the episode Parker plays it cool.

Adam and Jenna, after a whopping 10 hours of being apart in the same place recommit to their commitment to complaining about everyone on the boat and sneaking smooches in the galley. Joy. Rapture. Couldn’t be happier for the two of them. Barf. Note to Adam: When someone shows you they’re psycho, believe them. In nanoseconds Jenna is back to her Wicked Witch of the West self tormenting Madison’s Dorothy and chastising her for doing no work. My non-scientific observation? Lust turns some people into hypocritical jerks.

Speaking of jerks, we get to me the charter guests. Foreshadowing is full steam ahead as we hear them mutter that they wish the dock had been paved for them. They didn’t specify what material they would’ve liked it to be made of, but from the pretentiousness wafting off of them, one would have to assume they meant gold.

We’re not high maintenance at all.

Continuing with Adam’s worst foot forward theme, he serves the guests hot lentil soup on a 91 degree F day. His reading the room is about as promising as his reading of Jenna’s moods. He does make up for it with a watermelon granita for dessert that delights and refreshes the guests’ palates.

We close the episode with preparations for the beach barbecue, or more appropriately…the lack of prep. Madison and Ciara decide to hang out and chat for close to an hour rather than working on setting up. Normally I’d cut Madison some slack because she makes me laugh, however, I have an extremely high work ethic and work always comes before play for me. This was a slacker move on both of their parts and I’m disappointed. My Dad always told me that the best revenge was giving my detractors nothing to complain about. Ciara doesn’t have any at the moment, but Madison does and hopefully she learns from it.

We’ll have to wait and see next week if the barbecue is a bash or a bust! Thanks for reading. Hope to see y’all then.

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