Orange County Horror Story: The Coven

OC is in that sweet spot a Real Housewives franchise hits just once every few cast cycles. The friendships are dead but the hatred is very real. You get those raw Scary Island moments where they’re feasting each other’s souls.

The “amigas” we see on OC are just alliances to avoid mutual destruction. If they all turn together on one, they won’t have to turn on each other.      

Kelly is still embracing her inner-Brandi Glanville. The erratic behavior… lashing out (Drinking Game Alert: Every time Kelly says c**t).. the doctor boyfriend (well, his blank prescription pad). Knocking Shannon’s head bowl (?) was a dicey move, but Shannon doesn’t have the clout like LVP to force Kelly off the show like Brandi. Today I heard that Bravo made KD take an anger management class- a slap on the wrist that says the risk was worth the reward.   

Emily’s marriage fascinates me.  Since I broke the news that Shane failed the Bar, I’ve had so many questions about where he was and what he was “studying” during those two weeks alone. How can such a selfish, dickish ogre be related to an adorable lady like his mom, Pary?

When I have questions, I need answers. If I can’t get answers, I create them (you’re welcome). So today I launched a new “Shane Simpson” Twitter parody account to grow along with my theories! Follow @RealShaneOC on Twitter as we figure out where Emily went wrong.   

Jordan

I was born an elderly Jew in the Valley, in 1986. I ventured far, far away (3 exits down the 405) and became a UCLA Bruin. My hobbies include delusions of grandeur and avoiding direct sunlight.

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