*This blog is for @DoesCupcakes (Debbie), one of Jen’s biggest fans! I’ll do my best, girl!
Wellllll, I don’t know how we got here, but I’m writing an #RHOBH blog. All I can say is that it’s all about you. When you need content, Kiki and Kibbitz delivers! LOL.
Why, you ask, am I reluctant to write about RHOBH? Because I swore I would not watch it this year. After the departure of my beloved LVP (yes–STAN STAN STAN here), I decided that those plastic Barbies could keep their damn show, along with their lying, scheming, woman-hating BS.
But, of course, it was a lie.
After all, if I don’t watch Beverly Hills, what will I rage-tweet about?
Why I’m So Pissed
There are so MANY reasons to hate RHOBH. Let me enumerate just the obvious ones first:
- The cast looks like someone used a 3D printer to print a bunch of identical dolls. None resemble actual humans.
- These women normalize some really icky behavior. They’re liars who spend their time trying to take other women down to feel better about themselves.
- Their value systems are super f*cked. Erika Jayne alone sets women back 100 years.
- This list could go on forever. That’s how much I hate these fake bitches.
What’s Happened So Far in Season 10
This has been a unique season, for sure. When the show disappeared from the air mid-season, everyone was like, “Huh, whaaa? Why?” We were speculating whether there was a big edit to correct some of the tone-deafness that Bravo is famous for. Suddenly (meaning “only after there was a major outcry”), Bravo has been culling their shows, trying to rid themselves of the racist riff-raff they’ve been peddling for years (looking at you Stassi, Kristen, Leeann, Pete from Below Deck, etc.) and trying to establish their image as “woke.” So far, post-hiatus, this does not seem to be a “thing,” but who knows.
A lot of people really dislike the at-home confessionals. Much less glamorous, for sure. But what are you going to do during a crazy-ass-surreal pandemic? OTOH, I have LOVED the at-home confessionals. My inherent voyeurism (oh, yours, too–admit it–there’s no other reason you watch these shows) adores seeing what their real homes are like, since they are normally sets. Somehow, however, we’ve still got those confessionals featuring Erika with that crazy-ass hairdo. At least they dumped the short blond wig from last season…thank you.
Also new this season–GARCELLE. Can we talk about Garcelle for a moment? Finally someone stately and elegant, with humility and a career. I keep hearing people complain that she doesn’t spend enough time with the cast. I say “let the woman do her job and take care of her kids.” Unlike the rest of them, she’s not wealthy because she married some rich old man. No–she works for a fucking living. Back off my girl.
Sutton is another story. I know a lot of people adore her and think she’s sassy and cute. I do like her Southern accent and she is kind of a nice change of pace. However, GIRL, it is NOT cute when you constantly brag about your couture. It’s not cute when Dorit does it, and it’s not cute when you do it. You just look like another snobby, plastic bitch who cannot relate to real women with real jobs and actual problems. Take a Xanax and sit down.
But SO Many Things Haven’t Changed
Make no mistake, Kyle is still a fake bitch who stirs up shit while keeping her hands clean. Inviting Brandi in on last night’s episode was SO transparent. Of course, Kim Richards is an amazing actress (TIA!), so it was easy for her to act like “Ohhh, Brandi’s in the car.” Kyle answering: “Oh, no! Bring her in!” Sure Kyle, Brandi is just randomly in your house, dumping sugary, fake tea about Denise. #liar
Brandi is still a fake bitch who stirs up shit, while simultaneously dirtying her hands. Because that’s how she rolls–dirty and fake. And by the way, your cheek fillers make you look like that cat lady, Brandi. And, coincidentally, exactly like Adrienne Malouf. I guess you both went to Paul Nassif and got #botched.
Lisa Rinna is still a fake bitch who stirs up shit and then leans back and blames it all on LVP.
Teddi is still a fake bitch who has nothing to say and is always complaining that her feelings are hurt (poor rich/famous mom with a fabulous, glamorous life).
Erika is still a fake bitch. Period. Just a fake bitch. You know all about it.
And Dorit? Well, you know what I’m going to say here. She’s still a fake bitch, too. At least we haven’t seen too many rhinestone barrettes spelling out the word “Chanel” this season. Yet.
Sensing a theme? I do!
Puppygate 2021 is “Affairgate”
Being that the Beverly Hills housewives seem to have nothing to talk about but their questionable fashion (Kyle’s line of pajama “suits”?), we have to have a scandal of the year.
Last year was So. Fucking. Boring. I mean…let’s talk for four months about whether Dorit is an asshole for bringing her dog to the shelter. Especially when there are so many other reasons to despise Dorit. (May I include her pretentious Italian from last night’s episode?)
So this year, it’s (wait for it) another bullshit storyline, this time sponsored by none other than the overfilled cheeks of Brandi Glanville, who insists she “kind of hooked up” with Denise Richards. And fake ol’ Kyle is ready to share that gossip all over town. I was yelling at the TV last night because Kyle was trying SO hard to pretend that she didn’t stage the delivery of this news. Oh. My. God. Someone please slap her.
Although Kyle says Brandi’s not a liar, I am not swayed. I mean–really? I haven’t believed these rumors since the beginning. I’m totally willing to believe that they had some drunk make-out session. The rest? In Brandi’s dreams. I mean, who wouldn’t want to sleep with a Bond girl?
What else can I say? Crap, drivel, bullshit, disgusting. I’m not watching this bullshit one more time. (Oh, who am I kidding!)
Tell me what YOU have to say. Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet us at @kikiandkibbitz or send us a note on the ‘Gram at @kikiandkibbitz!
Stay tuned for more great podcasts and keep reading Jen’s blogs for fabulous recaps and unique, snarky insights.
Air kisses, bitches! XO