Real Housewives of New Jersey: Everyone But Nono Is In Hot Water

Continuing the reliving-of-youth vacation, everyone is getting ready to go out to lunch. As I watch Teresa, Joe, and Melissa in the bathroom, I can’t help but wonder over a lifetime who’s spent more of it in front of a mirror? Tre calls Nono to check in and his first words are, “No hot water.” That man can say only three words and still be title-worthy.

Marge and Jennifer are in dueling grousing to spouses sessions about each other. How about we just move on already? There is zero consensus to be had because of the cliques. From an outsider’s perspective you both look for every opportunity to needle the other. Neither of you is the bigger person unless one happens to be wearing higher heels.

Lunch at the beach is casual and fun. Joe G. asks the million dollar question: Why don’t Frank and Dolores get back together already? I appreciated Frank’s honesty. At least he knows who he is and doesn’t want to hurt Dolores again. Joe goads them into a peck of a kiss, but dissatisfied with that Joe lays one on Frank. I’m happy for the lightheartedness the guys are bringing this season.

Some of the group opt for shopping or the arcade while Melissa and Joe walk on the beach. We finally get the ending to the fake story line we’ve put up with for weeks. No more Gorga babies on the horizon. Color me shocked.

They all head back to rest and prep for dinner out a steak house. (Kevin from Below Deck should take notes on what a seafood tower is supposed to look like.) A beer guzzling contest is easily won by Joe, but somehow Jackie gets the kudos and then foul commentary from Jennifer. I would have been mortified and under the table if I had been there. I realize indoor voices aren’t really a thing with this group, but dang.

Marge sees her moment, and like the leopard print she’s wearing goes after her prey…only to find out that her prey has claws too. Marge’s instincts go to flight vs. fight. One clique leaves and the other stays and another night is ruined by the two women who can’t ever zip it.

The next day the guys head out for some deep sea drinking, and the cliques split up between mini-golf and parasailing. Nothing against the mini-golfers of the world, but even my acrophobia-riddled self would choose parasailing. That view looked amazing. Truth be told though, I’d ditch both those options to hang with the guys. They were having a great time.

With the only thing on their lines being sinkers and one small sea bass, the men decide to focus on drinking and getting Bill lit. Didn’t take much coaxing and after a few shots we meet Tony the Turk…and I LOVE him. Who knew there was such a crazy, fun guy under that mild-mannered exterior.

The cliques converge for lunch and you could almost here the “wah wah” of Jennifer’s t-shirt joke falling flat. A lot of effort for zero payoff, Jennifer; stick to impressions. Melissa dons her best mob boss impersonation as she plans to confront Danielle and kick her out of their crew.

At their tete-a-tete Melissa tells Danielle she’s no longer welcome, and Danielle blames the store owner for the hair pull. Melissa promptly omits his part and grasps on to the tidbit that Teresa said, “Do it.” Some things don’t change, and while Melissa’s gotten more subtle about digging at Tre, her spots haven’t changed much over the years.

We end back at the rental home with the gals arriving first and wondering where the guys are. Enter my absolute favorite moment of this season…the men struggling to get a totally wasted Turkish Guido from the car into the house. It had an odd pallbearer-ish feeling as each of them held a body part and lugged him into the house feet first. Jennifer’s in shock as they place him on the bed, but Joe G. saves the day with a cold washcloth to Bill’s face. Bill groping Joe’s pecs and his giddy smile are priceless and let us know all is well. At least it is until next week.

Full time housewife, mom, and grandma with more opinions than my family can handle, so I share them with the internet instead.

7 thoughts on “Real Housewives of New Jersey: Everyone But Nono Is In Hot Water”

  1. Absolutely spot on!!! The guys are much better TV than these venomous spoiled women. (I do want to leave Jackie out of that definition tho). Brava Ms Jen!!!

  2. I agree that the husbands are the breakout stars on this season of RHONJ! Also, so funny–I texted Jordan “SEAFOOD TOWER”!

    Lastly, I stayed at a shore house in Belmar one summer…so funny and weird to see those ladies reliving their youth…I did, too!

    1. Haven’t ever been to the Jersey Shore, but this trip has been my favorite part of the season so far. It hit me while I was watching that one thing I enjoyed about the older franchises were that we got to see the women as wives and how they interact with their husbands.

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