The ladies are wrapping up their time in Cancun. Not because they’ve run out of money, but because their rental property has run out of rugs for Ramona to defile. When I said I wanted more reality back in the Housewives franchises, I should have made myself clearer. I’m aware that Rinna has the market cornered on Depends, but isn’t there a cheater brand that Ramona can represent in exchange for products that make it so I never have to see stuff like that again? What depths has this show sunk to? Weren’t we having a royalty-off between a Princess and a Countess just a few scant years ago?
Ramona is also suffering from diarrhea of the mouth, or more appropriately put…fingers, as she sends a group text discussing Dorinda’s anger issues and includes Dorinda in the text. Considering how frequently Dorinda cuts people off mid-sentence of their first thought, it may not have seemed like a bad idea at the time. However, Dorinda of the Dossiers is never more than a click away from a treasure trove of negative press pieces about her friends. I don’t know about you all, but I would be more than a little disturbed to know that a friend of mine was logging every infraction I ever made to use against me if the moment presented itself.
With lightning speed Dorinda shot back five articles recounting Ramona’s beefs with other Housewives including Gizelle, Vicki, and Margaret. Dorinda comes into the room shortly after to aggressively ask if Ramona enjoyed the anger articles she had found. Ramona tries to smooth it over by telling Dorinda how wonderful she looks, even though (as my friend Fairy pointed out) Dorinda’s pants looked like the afghan from Roseanne’s couch. Unsurprisingly it doesn’t slow down the Dorinda Express who will never be satisfied until she derails every other train from its track and she’s the only shiny locomotive left standing.
Had it been anyone except for Ramona I would likely have felt sympathy in the moment, but Ramona has done so many messed up things over the years that it’s hard to accept her as the voice of reason even when her broken-clock-self happens to be displaying the correct time. Sonja is refusing to get mixed up in any of it, except for in the sense of goading Ramona on into rush hour traffic and rubber-necking once the carnage ensues. That leaves Luann, who’d rather not deal with the mess, but realizes that she has her own experience with Dorinda’s behavior, so she tries to address and clear up only that.
Even the best laid plans turn into total fecal fests though, especially when Luann dares point out a flaw in Dorinda’s character. Dorinda goes on a diatribe about everything she’s ever done for all of them which makes it unfair for them to focus on this one thing. News flash, Dorinda…this isn’t a mob movie and those are kindnesses friends do for each other, not hush money. Dorinda never seems to list anything anyone else does for her. She’s got this picture of herself as some Disney fairy godmother when she’s really more like Sammy the Slurrer out breaking the kneecaps of anyone who crosses her.
Luann gets nowhere in their discussion and all of the women finally join them for dinner. Ramona yet again proves why no one wants to side with her when she treats the staff horribly over a bottle of wine that’s not fancy enough to pass over her lips. Leah, who has nothing in common with these women has to find a way to insert herself and does so by getting offended by of all things being excluded. The truth is that Leah made it clear at their last lunch that she wasn’t going to go in on Dorinda, so Ramona left her out. Ramona only wanted allies, not another person who would pop off in Dorinda’s defense. It may have been sneaky, but it wasn’t designed to make Leah “feel” left out, it was to literally leave her out. It’s Ramona for crying out loud. The women feigning disappointment was laughable. Why be disappointed when the train that comes at 5pm daily shows up at 5pm?
Sonja finally becomes the voice of reason, because it’s 2020 and strange things are happening all across the globe. She boils it down to Dorinda taking care of too many people and things and always being on the brink. Sonja feels like if you don’t realize that Dorinda’s lashing out comes from pain, then you’re an imbecile. Then call me an imbecile, because while I think that’s a component, I also think it’s because Dorinda’s ego has run rampant since she got a little taste of fame and I also think she’s got a major drinking problem.
Back in New York we’re shown the ladies getting back to business. For Leah it means working on Married to the Mob’s 15 year anniversary collection. I know a lot of people will disagree with me here, but t-shirts and sweatshirts with a logo on them are boring. Functional, but boring. I’m not getting to see some new style aesthetic here, or something that shows me how the other half lives. I’m seeing things that are similar to what I’ve been wearing throughout quarantine, just with a heavier price tag. It’s giving me Skinny Girl vibes and I’m over it already.
With no business to get back to, Ramona gets to working on herself. About frickin’ time. Although considering how she’s dressed and how she’s staring longingly at her psychologist, I’m not sure that her motives are pure. I’ve never gone to an appointment in an LBD, but I’ve learned after years of watching this woman to expect the unexpected. She prattles on about how perfect she is and how she’s figuring all of these things out, and I’m left wondering yet again why we have to see this. A friend and I did discuss last night what we would like to see, and that’s the psychologist’s notes from the session.
Luann arrives for a rehearsal for her show and Sonja is nowhere to be found. Honestly, I had a hard time believing Sonja would have agreed to rehearsing on the day of her Century 21 launch. She’s got a lot riding on this and a paycheck that only covers half of her hair and makeup would not be worth risking it for.
We flash over to one thing I did enjoy which was Leah’s talk with her mom Bunny. I’m much more keen on hearing about real life interpersonal dynamics than I am to Housewives hawking their wares or making fake drama. Though I’m not old enough to be Leah’s mother, I did relate to Bunny more. For a woman in her late thirties who is also a mother, Leah’s got a very immature perspective on what mother/daughter relationships should look like. Leah does her level best to do everything that’s the opposite of who her mom is and then wonders why there are times her mother doesn’t like her. I can guarantee you if Kiki grew up to be a highly religious person who took offense to every time Leah swore, Leah probably wouldn’t be too thrilled either. She’d do herself well to begin to look at Bunny as a multi-faceted woman and not just as a mom, especially since Leah would never allow herself to pigeon-holed into being just one thing.
The show ends on a high note as we see Sonja finally overcome business setbacks and bring a collection to fruition in an actual brick and mortar. Just in time for brick and mortars to become obsolete. I swear she must have walked under a million ladders and broken as many mirrors. It was nice to see her glowing and having a feather to finally put in her cap though. What wasn’t nice to see was Ramona’s phone interrupting Sonja’s speech and Dorinda screaming about how Sonja’s come a long way from the fashion show. It’s one thing to be self-deprecating, it’s a whole other animal to fling someone’s failures in their face during a big moment. Maybe now that her business investment has paid off, Sonja can focus on investing in some better friends.