This is the drunk that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started watching it not knowing what it was, but they’ll continue the drinking bit forever just because. This is the drunk that never ends…
Seriously, y’all, I can’t get that song out of my head. It’s as if that song and the movie Groundhog Day hooked up and this is what appeared nine months later. We’re still fighting about Luann being a total cheapskate and paying Sonja less than the heel of a Louboutin for appearing in her show. We witness Ramona yet again play the hapless waif to get a delivery driver to carry the food into the kitchen so she doesn’t have to. And last, but not least, Slurrrrinda is flailing her gangly arms around and pointing at random spots in the air. Someone please wake me up from this recurring nightmare.
Luann has repelled everyone with her “My show is about me” schtick to the point where even Len is begging, “Oh come on, you eat now.” Luann is upset that Dorinda is defending Sonja, because Luann thinks Sonja can defend herself. In reality I think it’s because she knows she can steamroll over Sonja, whereas Dorinda will actually fight back…and go dirty while she’s at it. It doesn’t take long before that proves out and Dorinda is shouting about what a drunken fool Luann is and brings up the mugshot again.
Even Ramona, who has the social skills of a rock, thinks Dorinda is just getting more and more vicious. Luann rushes out of the room and begins to pack. She may be all fight when it comes to Sonja, but when the spittle spraying beast inside Dorinda comes out, fight turns to flight at mach speed. The sobbing on Luann’s part was high comedy from my vantage point. I gave more convincing performances when I was five and wanted dessert before dinner. She must’ve forgotten to pack her glycerin drops because she couldn’t squeeze out a solitary tear no matter how many times she squinted and gasped.
On her way out the door Dorinda tears into her again with outbursts of “Jovani” that were just as heckling as the first time she did it, despite her protestations to the contrary. The overall picture is one we’ve seen often…Luann being a diva and Dorinda being a mean drunk. Leah must not have watched the show much before appearing on it, because she seems stunned and begs Ramona to come help her to calm a “hysterically crying” Luann down. It’s funny how quickly Lu can snap out of a gasp when the word pub is mentioned though. Just the alcohol infused carrot needed to lead Miss High Horse to the nearest watering hole.
The next morning, Dorinda feels the ever present regret she has when her mask slips and people catch a glimpse of the werewolf she can become. Rose’ is her version of a full moon apparently. As they say, “In Vino, Veritas.” Now it’s time to shove that truth back down into the bottle though and she does it with a bouquet of I love yous and blaming it on the alcohol…which she tries to convince us is an excuse she never uses. I can think of at least three other times without even straining two neurons, but whatever. As Sonja was quick to point out, all things are forgiven when partying.
With hatchets buried, they head to Lenox to do some shopping. Before exiting the car she shared with Dorinda and Elyse, Sonja asserts that she’s not going to run up and hug Luann. In her defense, it wasn’t really a run. It was more like a brisk walk. They embrace under an umbrella like a Hummel figurine and inside the home store they iron it out even more. Lu promises that when she can afford to pay Sonja more, she will and Sonja believes her. Sonja also believed she was going to own a Nigerian football team at one point as well, but I digress.
From the home goods shop they head to a wine and cheese store, where they attack the free samples like they’re an oasis in the desert. Didn’t they just eat breakfast? Then again, these women have zero shame when it comes to getting things for free. Inexplicably the talk turns to Leah giving a prince a golden shower and yet again these ladies display a keen ability to put the ass in déclassé.
I wish I could say the bodily function references ended there, but sadly no. Back at Blue Stone Manor, Ramona has clogged the toilet next to her bedroom. Fearful of the wrath of Dorinda, she tries to remedy it herself, but doesn’t know how to use a plunger. Leah offers to help, but runs out yelling at the sight of a remnant. Why couldn’t the editors have just stuck to good clean fun, like Sonja buried in a giant mound of bubbles?
My favorite line of the night came from Luann after Ramona was unable to get a read on the breathalyzer she brought on a lark. Ramona can’t figure out why it wouldn’t work for her and Lu replies, “You’re a bad blower. I’m a pro.” That is the Lu I love. A little bawdy, willing to be the butt of the joke. Her I’ll keep, the diva can have several seats.
Dorinda’s friend Colin Cowie is throwing a dinner party that it seems Dorinda got him to agree to when he was drunk. Kind of takes the glitter away from her name dropping Oprah and Michelle Obama in reference to his clients. I highly doubt either of them had to pop a cork to make him say yes. Other guests are invited as well including “Holla” Heather Thompson and her husband and also Dorinda’s sister Melinda. On a small side note…do siblings generally have to bring wine when they’re visiting family? If so, my sisters have a huge backlog they’re due.
Everyone sits down to eat, be merry, and of course drink. Elyse is in a “No Soda Necessary” mode and her drunken alter ego comes out to play. Most specifically with Leah who Dorinda toasted, but didn’t stick her tongue down the throat of. Ramona goes on a ramble about being in the top 1 percent. Somehow I doubt Bezos and Musk consider her a peer, but delusions have always been Ramona’s forte along with malapropisms.
The party wraps up with a visit from the Red Lion Inn’s bartender James who Leah invited in the hope of getting a little action. Unfortunately for her Dorinda took cock-blocking to a whole new level. One that included discussing her parents vocations and the importance of being a true Berkshire-ite. The look on poor James’ face made me think he’s not likely to accept invites over from customers anytime soon.
Next week we get yet another drunken escapade. This one sends Ramona over the edge and has her shrieking for the cameras to go down. I beat you to that request weeks ago, Ramona, but it didn’t happen then, and I highly doubt it will happen at your behest either. Hope to see you all then to find out!
And don’t forget to check out Brianna and Jordan breaking the episode down on the Kiki & Kibbitz RHONY podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/61-real-housewives-new-york-season-12-ep-14-remember/id1482301675?i=1000485347029