Real Housewives of New York City: Party of Five

Life is still a cabaret for Luann and it’s time to audition comedians for the show. She even invites Sonja to be a part of the process, perhaps in the hope that some say it in will alleviate the lack of payment for Sonja’s services. This is the Sonja I love. The sober truth-teller that breaks the fourth wall every chance she gets and lets us know that last time her compensation for being part of Lu’s act was getting half of her hair and make-up paid for. So what’s an International Lifestyle Brand’s way of turning crumbs into cake? Doing her own hair and make-up and pocketing the dough. Luann assures the sexy J that she’ll be paid this time, albeit Broadway rates. I loved the subtle shade from Lu’s director Ben when he made sure to correct it to “Off Broadway.” Meeee-ow.

Meanwhile, 800 miles away, Tinsley who really isn’t seeing Scott again, is now seeing Scott again and is staying in his apartment with Strawberry and Shortcake. She updates Leah by phone and shares that everything is great. It was one thing for the women to tell her to head to Chicago and express what she wanted, but a whole other animal print pillow when Scott told her to come and bring the dogs. Apologies. I had to throw the pillow part in there because they were completely hideous and distracting me the whole time. Hopefully she changed those out while she was waiting on her closet build-out.

Those pillows are scarier than Blood Manor.

Back in New York, to get into the Halloween spirit, the ladies are visiting Blood Manor. Dorinda shares that it’s a New York institution and she’s been trying to make this happen for two years. She and Lu are the only ones who dress up for the occasion, but Luann is far more “on brand” as a cougar than Dorinda is as a skeleton. A witch would have been more fitting with how hard she’s been going at Tinsley this season. Although I’m going to take my own shot at Tinsley for the lamest exclamation amidst the jump-scares which was, “Don’t touch my hair.” Leah had the best line comparing the cackling twins to Ramona and Sonja, with an assist from the editors in the form of a montage. But the biggest laugh for me came at the commercial break when they aired an ad in my market for Poise pads for bladder control issues, especially considering half of the women shared that the haunted experience gave them that problem.

After the scare fest they head to a tequila bar and Leah wants to make a toast to Tinsley and Scott being back together. This was a huge mean girls moment, in my opinion. Yes, Tinsley and Scott have gone back and forth as much if not more than Kristen and Carter did on Pump Rules, but just last week they were urging her to make a move and go for what she wanted. So now she does and she gets crickets in response. All it shows to me is that whatever the beef was had zero to do with Scott. Dorinda is all but offering to physically escort Tinsley out of her hotel and onto the plane like she can’t wait to be rid of her. So because they didn’t do what they should have, I will. Congratulations, Tinsley. I wish you and Scott a lifetime of happiness together. Welcome to the Midwest.

Congratulations to Sonja as well, as she finally gets her clothing in a retail store. The only Century 21 we have in Ohio is a realty company, but by the description this sounds like a TJ Maxx or Steinmart situation with an extra zero on the price tag before the decimal point. You’ve got to start somewhere though and hopefully this will be the confidence boost Sonja needs to start living in the present versus the past.

This ain’t your first rodeo, Dorinda.

We’ve yet to get through a season of RHONY without honoring the high holy day of Ramona’s birth, and this year is no different. Larry Scott (king of the giant headshots of the honorees) is back again to wow anyone who delights in flights of vanity. Dorinda and Sonja feel hijacked, as they thought they were visiting a warehouse and not Long Island. Quelle horreur! Dorinda decides to passive aggressively get even by suggesting Ramona share the day with Sonja. Not. Gonna. Happen. Ramona wants the spotlight to herself. In her defense though, back in the Mario days she did surprise Sonja by celebrating her as well. That’s history though, and she’s also dabbling in the rewriting of history by trying to blame her friend again for not inviting any of the cast to last year’s party. We all know that’s bunk, and in case you didn’t the editors make sure you do by showing a flashback of Ramona being asked if she wants to invite Sonja.

Dorinda gets more and more disgruntled as the planning continues. Maybe she was unhappy that her outdated naked sushi girl idea was shot down and mocked. I just know that there’s an underlying aggressiveness towards everyone and everything this season that no amount of one liners can cover up. She even balks at the promo pic Larry asks to take as if it’s unheard of. As you can see above, this has been going on since the Carole years. If you want Tinsley to stop pretending, lead by example.

A few days later Ramona is in full on apologizer mode again as she invites Tinsley for drinks to congratulate her properly on reuniting with Scott. She blames her lack of decorum on listening to Dorinda, when in reality it was Ramona being Ramona. A perfectly sculpted voodoo doll in the hands of a master practitioner couldn’t make Ramona do something she didn’t want to. Luann arrives to offer her best wishes as well, but it’s more than a little ironic when she talks about how fast things are going with Tinsley and Scott after her Tom whirlwind. Maybe her once bitten is leading her to be twice shy for Tinsley.

Ramona continues to thrive in her truest form when her date Ron shows up early. It seems she’s double booked herself yet again. Tinsley recognizes Ron from a run-in with Harry Dubin at The Regency and Ron seems to know Luann as well from Beautique. All I can say is someone needs to order a truck of water to add to the New York dating pool. It’s borderline incestuous at this point.

Here’s to Happily Ever After

The show wraps up with a goodbye segment to Tinsley at her hotel apartment. Dale is crying over silver baby mugs and Tinsley not being an East Coast girl anymore. Leah and Sonja both arrive for some last minute reminiscing before Tinsley starts her life with Scott in Chicago. As not to give us false hope of a return later in the season, production even gave her an end of the season wrap-up still frame. Even though we’re down to a party of five (and occasionally Elyse as a plus one) there are more exciting moments to come as we see in the mid-season trailer. The show is on hiatus for the next couple of weeks as Bravo tries to stretch out their new content. Hope to see you back here in July!

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