Real Housewives of New York City: The Philosophies of Fighting Friends

The show opens with the ladies meeting up in smaller groups across the city while Tinsley meets up with Marty, the boxer philosopher. Anyone inclined to underestimate a guy like Marty does so to their own detriment. What he lacks in elocution, he makes up for in content. Aside from Leah, he’s offered some of the best insight on “Tinsdale” and he couldn’t be more spot on when he told her that the antidote to doubt is faith. I’d like to say that I have faith that watching Tinsley box will become less cringe worthy under Marty’s tutelage, but doubt is the overriding sentiment at the moment.

The boxer-philosopher kind of has a point.

While Tins gets her fit on, the others are focusing on a Page Six article about John and Dorinda’s break-up. I couldn’t quite suss out why Ramona was being targeted as the leak, as I thought we’d discovered in the past that most of the gossip from that outlet came from Sonja’s mouth or Jill’s if we’re going way back. Whoever served it up (Sonja’s vote is Dorinda herself) was not incorrect. Ramona shares that she saw it coming long before Dorinda even did. I’m pretty sure most of us are in that camp. Since Dorinda first arrived on the show the feeling has been that they were a giant mismatch. Dorinda tried desperately to convince us that we were wrong and she knew better. And now, living up to her tagline, she doesn’t see it as wrong just no longer right for her.

Luann heads over to cheer up an under the weather Leah at Leah’s apartment. I think her home feels welcoming and warm, but Luann struggles to come up with anything resembling a compliment, both in person and in her confessional. She settles on “humble” and I swear that only Luann could make it sound like a cuss word. They’re looking to cheer up Dorinda post split and Luann thinks a trip to a pumpkin patch is the perfect remedy. Something tells me that a flannel theme like they had on Family Karma won’t be happening.

My assumption was correct and it’s a swank van and heels adventure that we embark on. Elyse is with Ramona and I’ve been seeing a lot of “Why is Elyse around so much” type questions. I don’t have any production sources, but after over a decade of viewing, my guess is that with Bethenny leaving, they were trying out both Leah and Elyse (or possibly both) as replacements. The fact that Elyse has filmed confessionals makes me think that she was a contender, but Leah outperformed her. Again, just a guess.

Pretty sure this was the glass Sonja actually used.

At the Weed Vineyard (which sounds more like a dispensary than a farm) Sonja is trying to convince us that she’s looking for an alcohol-free, healthy day. I’d sooner believe that she still parties with John John and Madonna. All it takes is Dorinda holding a giant wine glass prop to sway Sonja to imbibe. Most of them do, and it quickly devolved into a screaming match between Tinsley and Dorinda after Tinsley mutters under her breath about the hypocrisy of Dorinda not sharing, when that’s what she’s accused Tinsley of doing.

Basically Tinsley is a match and Dorinda is a leaky propane tank and Dorinda explodes all over her with some really cutting insults. The worst of them (in my opinion) was calling Tinsley invisible. Not only does it devalue Tinsley as a person, but considering her identity is so deeply founded in being an “It girl,” Dorinda could have literally shivved her with a sharpened fork and been less harsh. It’s clear to me that Dorinda is in a lot of pain, but inflicting it on others isn’t the way to go about getting through it.

Luann goes with Tinsley to console her, while Leah tries to get Dorinda to find common ground. Were this a competition, Leah would win hands down. She really does seem to understand these women in a complete, non-surface way. Maybe because she actually listens to what they say instead of trying to squeeze one-liners in left and right. I can’t state enough what a great addition she is to the franchise.

Children of the Corn scared me less than these women.

The women take a hayride to a corn maze, and despite how much I’ve enjoyed her in the past…Sonja’s drunken minx schtick is as dried up as the stalks surrounding them. Given the choice between death by Tinsley’s baby voice or by the incoherent non sequitur slurs of Sonja (which require me to use closed captioning) then goo-goo-gah-gah all day, every day. As a bumpkin, I can assure you that Sonja isn’t the first to pee in a cornfield, but the only camera around would be a motion activated trail cam. Dignity and Sonja are ships in opposite hemispheres at this point.

I thought that the conversation between Ramona and Dorinda was very touching and we once again see a compassionate version of Ramona. Until, of course, she blows it all up in her talking head interview. Will the real Ramona please stand up? She seems like a soft place to fall, but then right underneath the inch deep memory foam is a bed of nails.

Ramona in bed form.

The hickfest (I can say it, since I am one) winds down with sloppy Sonja slurring not so sweet nothings to the only man brave enough to still be around these women. Prudish as it may sound, I’m much more in Camp Elyse, Dorinda, and Tinsley than I am with the sex kitten syndicate. No judgments here though. Do whatever makes you happy. You say libido, I say lib-ah-do.

Next week Ramona takes her criticism of Dorinda out of the confinement of the confessional and says it to her face. It seems like Dorinda is prepared to throw down with anyone who doesn’t support her unconditionally. It might be hard to find a friend in this bunch if that’s the standard to be met. I hope you’ll join me!

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