Real Housewives of New York City: Parties Are Supposed to Be Fun

Like a mint in our mouths, Dorinda’s stint on RHONY lasted for a little while and then melted away. I have to say, this episode was odd to watch knowing we could be witnessing a bunch of lasts. Then I saw Ramona saying she could be a stylist because Coco didn’t happen to literally crap on the peach-on-peach outfit she laid out to wear. Take heart, my friends. There will always be enough delusions in this group to entertain us even without Dorinda’s.

It looks like we’re in store for dueling parties. Leah is having a party for Married to the Mob’s 15th anniversary and Dorinda is celebrating her 55th on Friday the 13th. I have a feeling that we’re going to get the uptown/downtown contrast that they’ve been slipping in all season, but maybe Bravo will surprise us and not be cliche.

Sonja’s interns are getting more screen time again! I still miss Pickles though. She was iconic in her own right. Sonja is sharing with her young protege everything that’s going on with the townhouse. She actually listed it and is realizing what an anchor it is around her neck. Saints be praised, there’s hope for her yet. Oh, wait. She literally just set a potty pad for her dog on a table top. At least in the townhouse the dog’s business was done outside. I may have to put in a word with Josh Flagg to not pass along any offers, so my gag reflex doesn’t go into overdrive.

Am I the only one who hopes the blurred painting is Dogs Playing Poker?

Luann drops by Ramona’s and they recap the Mexico trip. Lu doesn’t feel like anything is resolved as far as Dorinda is concerned. Even though they talked, there was no ‘sorry” in Dorinda’s voice or warmth. The thing that Dorinda doesn’t seem to get is that sorry is just a word. It doesn’t fix anything without the actions of true penitence, which includes not continuing the behavior. I don’t know how you can live on the planet that long and not realize that fact. Hopefully in her free time next season she can study up on it. Maybe while lounging in a posh rehab somewhere.

Ramona gets a wake up call also. She thought she and Leah were in an okay place post-Cancun. After all, Ramona hadn’t done a single heinous thing to Leah at Sonja’s Century 21 launch, so all is forgiven, right? Just erase from your minds that Ramona was too busy trying to steal Sonja’s big moment away from her and Ramona’s math may kind of, sort of make sense. It seems though that Leah doesn’t go by Ramona’s rules, so she’s invited Elyse to her MOB party. We find out that Ramona has cut off Elyse because she’s a friend jumper. How very Carole Radziwill of you, Ramona. Except for the fact that you’re sitting and eating sushi with the very person Carole directed that statement to. Never a shortage of irony where Singer is concerned.

It’s time for Leah’s party and it’s very downtown, much like I expected. It’s in a basement bar and all of her friends look very trendy, and hip, and….casual. It is an athletic wear company, so it makes sense, but Dorinda definitely missed the memo as she arrives in a cocktail outfit and a calf length fur. After a moment of what seems like self-deprecation about missing the dress code, Dorinda immediately becomes dismissive of ever living downtown or leaving the house in sweat pants. An “I get it now” look flashes ever so quickly across Leah’s eyes as she is starting to see what everyone but her has been railing against this season.

Not quite as funny when you’re on the receiving end of Dorinda’s humor, is it?

In stark contrast, Lu walks in and goes on and on about how cool the place is. This is why Luann reigns for me on this show. She is an absolute chameleon and can be so many different things depending on where she is. Sonja however, will always be a maneater and plops herself down on a couch full of young guys before even bothering to greet her hostess.

Elyse arrived earlier and I didn’t mention it because…meh. I’ve not been a fan so far. I like bold opinions, but not when they are diametrically opposed and about the same topic. That’s what Elyse has felt like to me this season. She says one thing to one lady in the group and the complete opposite to another. She might think she’s ingratiating herself, but I just see it as inauthentic and bordering on duplicitous.

Ramona arrives and hugs on Leah and is dying to meet Bunny. The two of them actually do seem like a much better fit than Ramona and Leah. I can almost picture Bunny encouraging Leah to spend more time with Ramona because she thinks Ramona would be a good influence. How scary is that concept?

Go, Go, Elyse. Even if you plow over one of my friends in the process.

Elyse sidles up to Ramona while she’s talking with Bunny and Ramona chooses to walk away. Instead of Leah telling Elyse to save it for another time and place, she encourages Elyse to go running after Ramona. Likely because Leah set this up for this very reason in the first place. Elyse begins shouting at Ramona and actually uses the word I just used as a descriptor for her to describe Ramona. That, my friends, is what we call projection. Ramona decides she’s not going to deal with it and leaves with Leah chasing after her. When Ramona refuses to turn around or even acknowledge Leah, Leah then goes for a typical dis about Ramona heading off to a bar to chase men. Not saying it might not be true, but it’s sour grapes on Leah’s part because her plan didn’t work.

Back inside, or below rather, Dorinda is in full on Slurrinda mode with two r’s. She’s rambling to Elyse about Stockholmer’s Disease and Stockhouse Syndrome. Yeah sure, D, it’s Ramona and Luann who are the lushes. Leah’s obviously imbibing too because she announces during her toast that Sarah is getting 15 percent of her company, but then seems grateful that her lawyer told her when she stepped down that it was non-binding. The ladies toast her after and seem genuinely proud of her.

The next day Luann meets up with the woman who will be helping her write her new book, which seems to be a memoir. At the meeting Luann shares some very poignant thoughts about how she connected with the shame and pain her father must have felt while he struggled with alcoholism. He had also been arrested at the disease’s peak and it gave her a Road to Damascus epiphany when she was in her own jail cell. Thankfully AA saved him and it seems to be doing wonders for Lu too. This is the best I’ve ever seen her.

It’s finally time for the party juxtaposition. Asking for Bravo to not go for the cliche was too big of an ask apparently, so we arrive at the Russian Samovar. Hannah greets Sonja and Luann at the door in the matching coat to her mom’s pants. 5 will get you 10 that she’s single. The pants were bad enough, but that schmatta makes Hannah look two decades older than she should. I did find it interesting that Hannah doesn’t drink though. I’m just left to wonder if it’s because she sees what it does to her mom, or if it’s simply a case that there’s never any left after Dorinda has at it.

Now the party makes more sense.

We barely get past the toast before things go south. One of those flavored vodkas must have been fused with jerk sauce, because dang. Dorinda goes through Sonja’s phone to delete her active apps and Luann goes in for an object lesson in hypocrisy. Normally I’d be all-in for this, but it is Dorinda’s day. She wasn’t talking or working, she’s was trying to keep Sonja’s phone from dying. Which if you think about it is a kindness, because chances are Sonja grabbed the charger from her brick phone in the 90’s instead of the one for her smart phone. I shudder at the thought of what her junk drawer(s) look like.

John stood up and gave a lovely toast, and I have to say I was surprised. Maybe exes who aren’t even tied by kids CAN still be friends. After John’s mic-less toast, Luann gets up and gives a mic’d one that’s the most meandering tribute one could imagine. We know already that tequila lands her in the bushes, and now we know vodka brings out her inner filibusterer. And it wouldn’t be a birthday, or a bar mitvah, or a Friday without Lu finishing her speech with a husky voiced rendition of whatever song fits the occasion. We’ll have to update the adage from now on and say, “It ain’t over ’til the drunk diva sings.” But would you have it any other way?

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