Real Housewives of New York: Social Drunker

I’m going to adopt my friend Brianna’s neologism and start calling my summations of episodes that are total fecal fests “RECRAPS.” Being a chronic sufferer of second-hand embarrassment, I had to stop this episode and walk away so many times I’m surprised it’s not the weekend yet.

We begin again at Ramona’s and the plans for the day are to head to a vineyard and relax whilst gazing upon “wine trees.” Yes, Ramona actually forgot the word for vines even though it’s smack dab at the beginning of vineyard. That this exited the mouth of someone who not so long ago was hawking Pinot, boggles my mind. Or if I used Ramona speak, I guess it would wobble the matter that they call gray, but it’s really pink, so I don’t get why they call it that.

Wine trees on a foggy day

Luann left the house early to visit her chiropractor, but no one believes that’s the case. She insists she hurt her neck while sleeping and then to top it off, she had to share a bathroom with the itsy-bitsy spider, so she hopped in an Uber with Little Miss Muffet and bolted. Dorinda’s convinced that she’s hanging out at her own house, but Leah thinks the answer to the riddle lies in a winery being the destination. I don’t know if Leah was a regular viewer before coming on the show, but in sniper speak, she certainly has a bead on these ladies.

At the vineyard, in an attempt to create the bonding friendships that her buddy Dorinda is seeking, Ramona wants everyone to share something that makes them feel vulnerable. Ramona starts by giving voice to the fact that she has no idea where she’s going at this point in her life. In true Tinsley form, she downplays Ramona’s, because at least Ramona has Avery while Tinsley has no one. Dorinda apropos of what seems to be nothing at first, talks about what she learned about icebergs on the Discovery Channel. Never one to let a good analogy go to waste, she compares what they know of Tinsley to the visible portion, but feels like they’re missing the other 90%. Ramona pointedly observes that until that weekend, she didn’t even know Tinsley was dating. Apparently that relationship is already D.O.A, because Tinsley shares more reasons why it’s not working, than ways it is.

No man is an island, but Tinsley’s apparently an iceberg.

Leah is on deck next and she brings up how after high school she went to rehab for 3 months, and when her stint there was over her parents refused to let her come home. Her tale of standing in the dust cloud while they rode off leaving her at a nunnery in upstate New York would normally be a precursor to lifelong abandonment issues if we were watching any other franchise. Thankfully this is RHONY and being the brash fighter she is, Leah used the experience as a learning tool to propel her forward towards an independent life. She’s seriously winning me over so far.

Dorinda broke down while sharing her struggle of crying for a month and being scared every day. It’s easy to dismiss on it’s face considering she’s got ample means to complete the repairs, but this time her analogy reeled me in. She spoke of constantly being everyone’s anchor because they think she’s so strong, and some days she just wants to be the boat. I felt that. Deeply. I hope she finds the partner she’s looking for who allows her to alternate roles as boat and anchor frequently enough to not get tapped out.

Last up is Sonja, and in seasons past I would have thrown in a bit about saving the best for last. Now I have to replace “best” with either most drunk or most rambling. Considering she spends the rest of the episode bemoaning Ramona’s surface friendships, she’s certainly no better because among the Venetian plasterers and the obligatory sex talk, her contribution was nothing but surface.

Ramona excuses herself to go check on the venue for the party later that evening. Not sure if she fooled any of you, but the second she refused Dorinda’s offer to come along, I was sure she had a date lined up. Some things will never change and Ramona is certainly etched in stone. She did rat herself out to Dorinda when she returned, so that’s something I guess. Luann returns as well, and you can already see a change in Ramona’s persona as she criticizes Luann’s outfit. Ramona is getting prepped to show us her fancy self, and that Nantucket number on Lu is not setting the vibe.

All of the way to Joe Farrell’s mansion, a drunk Sonja prattles on about how Ramona needs to be knocked down a notch. These people Ramona are hanging out with are not her “near and dears” according to Sonja and it’s going to be another boring party with fancy people and small talk. I don’t know if it’s the alcohol talking or the wistful younger version of herself who misses the Morgan lifestyle. Either way it comes off like jealousy and is more venomous than the light and airy Sonja I’ve grown accustomed to. She did redeem herself and give me a laugh when she brought up the fact that if they checked the records of everyone in that SUV, that they’d find mug shots for each.

Shots ,shots, shots, shots

Now we come to the part where I had to take multiple breaks, so I’m just going to skim over it with highlights, so I don’t have to walk away from the blog too. Sonja is upset there’s no gin, but has no problem sucking down Tito’s to the point where she’s screaming about not being an accessory or a trophy wife. She then goes on to hit on someone that’s probably too young for Quincy and talk in depth about her vag. Maybe it’s years of the same old song and dance, or maybe things like this just aren’t funny in the era of corona, but I absolutely felt for Ramona by the end of the night. Sonja was an embarrassment of the highest order and she needs to get her crap together. When Ramona can correct your malapropisms and point out that it’s “chopped liver” and not “chicken liver,” you know you’ve gone ’round the bend.

You’d think the next morning would be about hangovers and regret, but not with these ladies. It’s all about indignation. Lu sped off in the night leaving a nasty text in her wake about how Ramona doesn’t really love her and she’s an afterthought sleeping in a room that smells like dog pee and has spiders in it. The “Apologizer” goes straight into action and leaves a message of contrition on Luann’s voicemail in the hope that she’ll return. They ended with a cliffhanger of Lu calling in but not sharing what comes next.

If the previews are to be believed, Lu is back in the mix and Leah goes from controlled drinking to joining Sonja on the Lush Bus. Hope to see you then!

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