Vanderpump Rules: Bi, Bye, Cry

We open in the heart of Pump Rules at SUR with Peter showing Ariana the ropes. Totally unnecessary, of course, since she worked there for years, but any Madrigal moment is always welcome. Dayna approaches and she and Ariana talk about Pride. Dayna was excited to participate and come out as bisexual. She and Ariana bond, because it was Ariana’s first Pride where she was openly bi. The bi-sisters have an awkward “Bye, bye, bi” moment which aptly foreshadows an event still to come.

Lisa sets the stage for the main issue of the episode while she and Ken are out driving and it’s all about the pastor.

The pastor who was going to be officiating Jax and Brittany’s wedding is a long time friend of Brittany’s family. Tweets arose wherein he expressed views about the LGBT community that don’t align with any of the casts’ personal beliefs. Lisa contacted the couple and made them aware of more troublesome tweets than the one they had seen earlier in the year. Brittany, who at this point is trying to please both friends and family, texts the pastor to let him know it won’t be possible for him to officiate the wedding.

Ariana and Sandoval have a lot of strong feelings about the situation. No shock there really, as Ariana feels personally attacked as a human being by it. I can’t decide if Tom’s outrage is on behalf of Ariana or because he’s assumed the role of the group’s moral compass in his mind. Spoiler alert: ensuing events have me leaning toward the latter.

James might want to consider creating a Pump Rules cartoon with him voicing all the characters. Between his Katie impression last week and his Peter and Jax impressions this week, I’d say he has an ear for more than DJing. He’s left out of yet another group event for Peter’s birthday party. I simultaneously admired him and felt like I was witnessing a gaslighting tutorial as he told Raquel she could make her own choice whether to attend the party without him.

Speaking of parties, what bespeaks bridal showers more than Disney Princesses? Kudos to Stassi for the idea. It was perfect for the bride-to-be. Brittany really does live in a rainbow filled world with princesses riding in on pink unicorns. Brittany’s Disney world isn’t everyone’s Spinning Tea Cups ride though, as we’ll soon discover. We also find out that the provocative pastor has been replaced with boy-bander Lance Bass. That has got to be in the top five of biggest leaps to safety from scandal that I’ve ever witnessed.

The partying continues as we celebrate the day the world was gifted with Mr. Madrigal. We’re surrounded by a chill party atmosphere replete with beer pong, a batting cage and shots aplenty. Scheana can’t participate in the drinking however, because in case you hadn’t heard the first ten times (and missed production’s shady montage to boot,) Scheana is freezing her eggs. Do you think she’ll say it more times than she said Rob’s name? Any odds-makers reading this…hit me up.

No party in VPR land would be complete without some sort of meltdown or mayhem. The tears start to flow when Brittany hears social media sound off on her bridal shower. Here’s my personal appeal to all reality stars. You are being paid a lot of money to be on TV. If you can’t take the feedback, don’t go online. Social media is hugely invested in breaking this content down. There are 126 million daily users on Twitter alone. Not everyone is going to like you.

With the meltdown out of the way, we end in mayhem. Sandoval feels like Peter’s party is the perfect place to poke at Jax. He confronts him off to the side about why it took Lisa talking to them to punt the pastor. Jax is having none of it and goes back to the table and witnesses Brittany in tears. He mistakenly assumes it’s about the topic he just fled from and fills in the group. Then all hell breaks loose that Brittany promptly tells Sandoval to rot in. Stassi weighs in with my favorite burn of the night comparing Sandoval to John Snow and saying, “We’re not in Westeros. We’re in Korea Town.” Somewhere in Australia, Alex McCord is crying out, “Basic B!tch stole my line.”

More drama on tap at the bar next week. Hope to see you then. Don’t forget to check out the new Kiki and Kibbitz podcast:

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