Vanderpump Rules: Extra Extra

I’m looking for Hugh Grant hiding behind palm trees or giant potted orchids at this point, because we’ve gone from nuptials that lasted as long as four weddings and now we’re having a funeral. For a lizard. That was three weeks old. I am a huge animal lover, so I don’t begrudge anyone for the ways they get closure from the loss of a pet…until now. The preparations for this including poster making, venue reservation, and even preparing the eulogy lasted longer than Daug’s life span. At least we’re “on theme” for this extra episode.

Hugh Plant

Before we memorialize reptiles though, we get to engage a living one…Max. As I think back to defending this yutz on a podcast earlier this season, I want to kick myself. When discussing the heinous tweets he made seven years ago, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt regarding his racist remarks. I likely wouldn’t change how I approached it to be honest, because youthful indiscretions should be forgiven and taken in context. However, I will say here and now that I was wrong and that this guy is a tool. Wanting to 86 Danica from Tom Tom for exposing his extra douchey nature, is an extra portion of power tripping. I will forgive Schwartz for supporting it though, because he’s so Daug focused right now, I’m not sure he got what was up.

Danica hears about her ban through the SUR grapevine and she’s a wee bit heated. Max trying to tie it into Danica’s vague beef with Richardson is a reach requiring extra long arms. Arms that also happen to reaching, but in this case reaching out, belong to Lala. Raquel informs Danica that Lala wants to have a sit-down with her to discuss the text message situation with James. Lala’s messy drunk past makes her feel like she has wisdom to lay down. Raquel tells Danica she’s willing to listen, but when it comes to any comments about being dumb, those she won’t take lying down.

The poolside memorial for Daug commences and I’m trying really hard not to be judgey. I feel like Schwartz’s sadness is sincere, but making a spectacle out of it just won’t process through my Midwestern neurons. Whatever gets you through, I suppose, and it at least provides a setting for Danica and Max to speak face to face instead of behind each other’s backs.

Danica confronts Max and asks him why he didn’t try and just talk to her and clear the air. Max (in a moment of extra jerk-sauciness) tells her he was waiting for her to come to Tom Tom so he could kick her out publicly. What. A. Knob. I can’t wait for karma to kick him in the fanny. Later, when Max downloads what happened to Tom and Tom, Sandoval actually mans up and tells him he can’t make business personal like that. The irony being, of course, that only a few episodes ago Sandoval was wanting to kick Stassi out of Tom Tom for personal reasons. At least he did the right thing this time. I’m trying to be extra grateful for small favors.

Gratitude is something Jax might want to bone up on come to think of it. Lisa invited the newlyweds over to give them their wedding gift. She had brought it with her to Kentucky, but was afraid they’d break it in transport. Tiffany blue foreshadows a pricey present: a tea set. Just like with his other gifts, Jax is underwhelmed. Were I Lisa, I would have given him an extra big bottle of bupkis.

Back poolside, Sandoval announces to the group that his birthday party theme is being your most extra extra self. You know what would have actually shocked and surprised me? Him choosing to have some chill understated event. He’s getting as predictable as Old Faithful. Thankfully though, I was able to muster a chuckle at him trying to pronounce “effervescent.”

After an awkward run-in at Vanderpump Dogs, the stage is set for two separate meetings of the minds. Lala and Raquel’s and also Lisa and James’. Of the two I was more touched by the latter. Lisa expressed her displeasure at the text messages sent to Raquel. James acknowledged his wrongdoing and shared with her that he attended his first AA meeting. He even presents his starter chip as evidence. Lisa vows to continue to be there for him and support him on his journey. The Lala and Raquel truce doesn’t even last half an episode, so I refuse to bother acknowledging it.

We get a montage of costume planning and honestly, I’m underwhelmed. I think I’m immune to it at this point. When everything is extra…nothing is. Right? I will say a quick, “Thank You, Jesus,” that the Extra Married idea didn’t fly. Enough already. You’ve been celebrating for eons. Move on.

In the midst of the festivities we get two throwdowns. Lala vs. Raquel and Katie & Stassi vs. Kristen. I’m team Raquel on the first one, because I think Lala is faker than the Chanel Melissa Gorga was trying to pawn off at Envy. If Lala actually gave a rip about James’ sobriety, she would not be rehashing two year old rumors about him. As for the Witches of Weho…I’m over it. You can only rehash the same argument so many times before I get extra bored.

Next week we find out where the current TP shortage began as Tom and Tom prank Jax. Thanks for taking the time to read, and for some extra VPR content, you can always check out the podcast! Click here to listen to Brianna & Jordan’s take on the Cauchi wedding:

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